Addiction

22 years. That is how long I have been addicted. The addiction has caused me to dislike myself at various points in my life. One of those times I forgave myself for my most serious issues with my addiction. But here I am about a year and a half since that time and I am still an addict just to a less self hatred point. I really want to no longer be addicted. Not sure if telling my stories will help. My triggers are late nights, my phone or any device I can get my hands on, and boredom.  One of the qualities that I often brag about is that I'm a quitter. So it is really hard to understand how I've kept this habit for 22 years. I liken my addiction to use of heroin. It would seem that withdrawal would be inevitable and so I write this blog with every intention to save off my triggers. But then again it's what would be considered a late night and I'm obviously bored if I'm writing this. Well if you can't tell by now this blog will be about my story. Addiction, health, and the path to recovery. Hopefully it will be a positive tale of self fulfilling actualization. That others can looking at and admire. Or this could be the only post ever. Either way I'm excited to write. Like reading, it's not one of my strong suit. I'm chaotic in writing. Coherence is definitely not apparent. But this is mostly stream of consciousness. It's interesting how the mind finds patterns regardless in things like this. To me it makes sense but to an outsider this is all over the place. I'm hoping that as I write more, the unintuitive trailing off will be less apparent. Anywho, not only am I trying to quit an addiction but I'm also trying to focus on my body as a temple. I've gone 5 years down a path of destruction to myself and I don't want to continue this neglect. I'm going to become active again. Viva life. I'm going to care about things and be more positive. I'm going to find things to fall in love with. I'm going to share my experience with others. And I'm going to find a way to give back to the world.